"January 4, 2007 - God's undeniable call on my life for missions.
BE QUIET NOW, AND WAIT.
Isaiah 26:8-9 Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.
I have said "YES, LORD" to God's calling on my life to do missions. I have no idea where, when, or how I am going, and this scares me to death. But I know I am going with Jesus Christ. So now, I wait. I wait for God to reveal to me where, when, and how. I feel so unqualified for this. But I know God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called.
BE MY ALL CONSUMING FIRE.
Consume - to destroy (as by fire); to waste or burn away.
I desperately need God to come in and destroy my life. So much of me doesn't want to answer this calling on my life because I have so many fears. I am so scared. I don't know why you have called me.
I will serve you. I will give you everything. I will trust you, trust in you alone.
God, I am fighting a spiritual battle right now. I know I need to trust you, but Satan is trying to take hold of me. God, burn away my fears. Destroy my desires. Waste my life on you. Come and consume me."
It's strange to say it, but these journal entries I wrote three and a half years ago have become such a blessing to me. To see the definite questions and fears and my obvious desire to not go, and to see how the Lord has changed all of that... Wow. My God is incredible and indescribable.
If He can transform an unwilling, scared-to-death, little girl like me into someone fearless, with a passionate desire for the nations... I am certain He can transform anyone.
He can transform you.
And I don't say that to boast of myself. I say that because it points completely to my God. He has made me fearless. He has given me a passionate desire for the nations.
In my previous post about Stephen, God revealed to me how Stephen's tag lines pointed directly to Him. And it became my prayer that I would have a tag line that points directly to Him. On my own, I am "Jordan, timid, weak and unwilling..." But now, with my great God, and by the power of the Holy Spirit living inside me, I fully believe I am now, "Jordan, fearless, strong, and willing to follow wherever God leads..." That is a tag line that boasts of the awesomeness of God. Oh I pray that Jordan disappears in light of His power and of His greatness.
I feel 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 is a perfect place to end...
Paul, speaking of the thorn in his flesh, said,
"Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."