I'll be completely honest. I am fighting a terrible attitude today. And there's nothing I can do to get out of it. I've honestly never felt so let down. I'm finally "living my dream," and it's been so disappointing. Especially when I look at what these last two remaining weeks hold.
I was so excited about writing Bible studies for the 3rd to 6th grade girls. But now that has been put on the back burner so I can help out at the school. And I was supposed to be helping out in the 3rd and 4th grade room, but I've been summoned to work in the library.... laminating books.... for hours and hours..... and hours.
Let me explain why this is so disappointing. I have dreamed of coming to Africa for four years. Four years! Four years I've had these dreams of coming to Africa and loving on orphans and sharing the love of Christ with them simply by giving them attention and pouring my life into them. But here I sit, in a library, laminating books. Preserving material things that will one day be destroyed. I wouldn't mind laminating a few books in the states. But I'm in Africa. And only for 2 months. Finally living my dream. I was hoping to make the most of this short time. But I'm stuck in a library laminating books. All I can think is that people are dying and being sent to a Christless eternity, and I'm laminating books.
I think fighting off this bad attitude is so hard because I feel like my original intentions for coming to Africa were at least honorable. I wanted to come share the love of Christ with children and bring glory to my great God in this nation. I wanted to play a part in taking the gospel to the ends of the earth. I came here with such a willing and excited spirit to be used by the Lord in this place. But I only feel like my hopes and dreams have been crushed. Completely demolished.
I'm away from everyone I love, and I've been trying so hard not to count down the days until my departure from this place. But right now, 1 week and 6 days can't seem to go by fast enough. I hate feeling this way. I really and truly do want to make the most of the rest of my time. But it's a fight. A fight that I am losing right now. My heart is broken in this moment.
Please, please pray for the remainder of my time here
Please pray for my attitude.
I'm sorry about all my complaints. But I desperately need prayer.